i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
