White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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