I heard we made out
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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