Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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