fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
