I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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