Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
