Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
