How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
