my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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