saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im holly from the hills drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
