There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
