the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Operation Purity has been aborted
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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