Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
