I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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