She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
