Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
