And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
