I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
