I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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