U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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