do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
