ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
