4 words: hood of his car
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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