dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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