I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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