I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My feet surprised me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
