Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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