Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
