Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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