Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
