So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
