Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
