hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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