Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."