i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.