Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

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  (678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning? (770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle http://tfl.nu/6kcj
  Replies (32) Good night (3549) Bad night (648)
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  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

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  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1937) Bad night (7930)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.

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  (803): so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer. http://tfl.nu/xrhj
  Replies (6) Good night (4013) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

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  (630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7
  Replies (14) Good night (7031) Bad night (1314)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?

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  (508): Why did you put hummus in my pillow case? http://tfl.nu/0gk1
  Replies (9) Good night (1431) Bad night (3137)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

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  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (8263) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.

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  (917): the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there. http://tfl.nu/q6gx
  Replies (30) Good night (5063) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  oh god was she eating orange peels again

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  (508): oh god was she eating orange peels again http://tfl.nu/g701
  Replies (8) Good night (1158) Bad night (2376)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.

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  (406): We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class. http://tfl.nu/2kxo
  Replies (11) Good night (4523) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night

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  (952): I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/yysc
  Replies (3) Good night (2533) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.

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  (580): Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service. http://tfl.nu/46gk
  Replies (7) Good night (1699) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.

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  (423): I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT. http://tfl.nu/s23s
  Replies (3) Good night (721) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP

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  (306): you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP http://tfl.nu/0h74
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.

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  (303): Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second. http://tfl.nu/m7me
  Replies (1) Good night (285) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"

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  (570): I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty" http://tfl.nu/vh2z
  Replies (1) Good night (265) Bad night (766)

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