He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.