Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank