Will you blow on my dice?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
