Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
