tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
