just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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