last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
