no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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