Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
