we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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