she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
