Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
