and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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