Yo dont text me then not text me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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