In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
