Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
