I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
