What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
