We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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