Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
