You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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