When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
