I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
why is half of my head shaved?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
