her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
