I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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