Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
