Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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