You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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