I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
