"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
