I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
